A Bender and a Bender

After a harrowing day making a Weezer music video, I claimed today as a day of rest. Not so much because I wanted to or can afford to, but because I’m really sore. My whole body aches. It’s probably from showing a bunch of scrawny, sickly Weezer fans how we play no mercy dodgeball back in some parts of the country.

But that didn’t stop today from having a few highlights here and there. During the day, Marko, Sait, Hiro, others, and myself were messing around with someone’s pellet gun on the back porch. Whose pellet gun? Good question. Each person would eyeball it once over then pass it on, with the exception of Sait. Sait, being Muslim, can’t help but point the pellet gun at a police helicopter flying overhead. We all rushed in to stop Sait from doing this since we didn’t want the helicopter’s sniper to get the wrong impression and end Sait’s life then and there. What a waste that would be—I don’t even think he’d qualify for the 40 virgins he’s entitled to in Heaven if he goes out like that.

Tonight, while some of us at the hostel were huddled around out laptops typing blogs, and others were rolling joints, we heard a car peel out along Pico Blvd. (major street close to the hostel) and smash into another vehicle. Everyone looked at each other, and without orally suggesting it, as a group, we collectively decided to check out the wreck.

Dressed in our nightgowns and formal eveningwear, we all walked down the street to see the fender bender. Apparently everyone else along Pico had the same idea. People from apartment buildings and the healthcare center along Pico came out in droves. The hostel group crossed the street to observe the situation. Gweat’s told us jaywalking in California, if caught, was a $100 fine. They’ll get you for anything here.

The accident itself was nothing major. The wreck consisted of a parked car and a stolen one. I know it was stolen because there was no driver to account for the accident. Gweat’s told us the steering wheel on cars that have been hijacked have a tendency to lock up. This is probably what caused the driver to lose control.

As minor as the accident was, the damage was pretty significant to both cars. The parked ones entire driver’s side was taken out, as was the stolen vehicles, whose wheel well now stretched from the front bumper to the middle of the driver’s side door. It had also spun about 540 degrees Fahrenheit after the impact.

With nothing more to see, we all headed back to our hostel to continue writing/getting baked. Along the way, an old woman started cussing at us, yelling, “I’m tired of all you fuckers! I’ve had it! We don’t fucking need you here!” I’m not sure whom she was slings and arrows towards, because she kept saying it long after we’d walked past her.

Once we got back, Gweat’s started talking at us for about fifteen or twenty minutes. Ruby was kind enough to record this conversation, which I will share with you now in its abridged form. Nice work, Ruby. If ever you need to, there is a career waiting for you as a courtroom stenographer.

This is what Gweat’s sat down and talked about for 15 or 20 minutes... just rambling. Literally what I'm writing is what he was saying—in order. So if it doesn't make any sense to you, it obviously made no sense to me.


Gweat's is talking about a dream house he wants to build:

-There will be a 40 fence with pit bulls and alligators and poodles and cockatoos for security guards

-Drive out of the bedroom with a go-kart

-Have two space towers in the front each 5 stories tall

-Glass wall opens up in bedroom and drive go-kart to the go-kart track

-A big marble dinner table worth 100,000 grand

-An intimate mate to cook with. He wouldn’t marry his brother or sister he said.

Which segued into what kind of car he would drive:

-Would own a Rolls Royce: a Phantom to be exact. If I was going to wear pants every day to school, I wouldn’t wear my $200 Cartier pants? (Referring to driving a Jaguar and how it's only to drive once in a while).

-Mercedes inside dashboards look like soccer balls.

-He said he couldn't wear a leopard shirt. "Casually, he's not a tiger or leopard," but he can wear pastel colors.

Referring to the movie, “Apocalypto”:

-"Run for your life, the Mayans are here! Read the good book!" (Referring to the Bible)

Another natural transition:

- When he was 2 and a half, he bit an extension cord and got rushed to the hospital because he got electrocuted.

Um…

- Rich men built space ships just to cruise around in, and would go for trips on the weekends. They would throw their 6 packs out the window of the spaceship because they drank a lot.

- "No one should give a homeless person a day pass to ride the bus. They haven't wiped their ass since Jesus was born."

- "RUN FORREST RUN!"

And that's pretty much all I have for you right now. Gweat’s is off staring at his bottle of 7-Up.

Thanks, Ruby.